"You'd Be Saving...Mine"

I'm often asked what my all-time favourite professional wrestling interview segment is. Actually, maybe I'm not asked this all that often. Nevertheless, I'd like to answer that question anyway. I know I've said in this space before that "Cane Dewey" was my all-time favourite but I'd have to agree with many old-timers who think that the interview I'm laying down below is "right up there with 'Cane Dewey.'"

Take a deep breath and read on.

September 1995--ECW Television Show Interview

"You know, I'd like to apologize for my behaviour. I'm embarrassed, certainly I feel a little stupid about the way I acted on this show a few weeks ago. It's just that I get a little emotional when I talk about wrestling, because wrestling's been my livelihood for the past ten years. It's enabled me to live out a childhood dream. So for me to come out on a show such as the ECW television programme and badmouth the wrestlers there--well, I'm sorry. But I think that, in order to understand what's going on in my head, you have to understand where I come from and what my goals were when I got into wrestling.

See, back in 1985, there was a programme called '20/20' that challenged the wrestling industry--which kind of portrayed it in a negative light. Tommy, if you're listening, try to understand that I was about the biggest wrestling fan in the world. And for me to stand in front of that television set and see people running down a business that I loved and held dear--even though I knew very little about it...to see my friends laughing at me saying, 'That's what you want to get involved in?' That night, I went to bed not with visions of sugarplums dancing through my head but of broken bones, battered bodies and bloody corpses, saying to myself, 'If it's the last thing I do, if I have to hold myself up for a human sacrifice--the world will respect professional wrestling.' Oh and that dream came true--yes, I've sacrificed myself for the past ten years, leaving the better parts of my past lying on concrete floors from Africa, to Asia, to South America, to right in the middle of the ECW arena. And what's it really done? Where have we really come to?

Lying in a hospital bed in Munich, Germany--seeing my ear being thrown into a garbage can--not being able to take it on the trip back because I didn't know the German word for 'formaldehyde.' And having a nurse walk into my room, looking at that piece of my body that's lying at the bottom of the garbage and saying, 'Es ist alles schauspiel', which means 'It's all a big joke!' Excuse me! I didn't know you opened up the diseased lung of a smoker and said, 'Oh, by golly, I thought smoking was supposed to be good for you!' Do you open up Terry Funk's non-functioning liver ans say, 'Hey, I didn't know that four decades of heavy drinking took this kind of toll!' So, if they show that much respect for other patients, what made me any different? Because I was a wrestler. And professional wrestling will never be respected, no matter how many teeth I lose, no matter how many ears I lose, no matter how many brain cells have to die. And so it comes down to the point where it's just not worth it. It's not worth it and, Tommy Dreamer, you've got to start looking at this realistically.

Wrestling is a way to make a living--nothing more and nothing less--and as long as it's strictly business, well, you may as well be cuddled in the welcoming arms of World Championship Wrestling. Because ECW fans will be the death of you. You see, they realised, and they were smarter than any of us, that they rule ECW--not us. What happened, Tommy? You came back from All-Japan Wrestling with your trunks and boots and said, 'By golly, I'm really going to wrestle.' Did Giant Baba hand you a dozen eggs and say, 'Here, crack these on Jumbo Tsuruta's head'? You're a disgrace to the profession, Tommy; you're becoming a damn fool. And I can't sit back and take it because I've got a moral obligation. Tommy, try to understand that I am but a failed experiment in human sociology and I can accept that. But never in my sickest dreams did I imagine that there would be other wrestlers taking dives onto concrete floors, committing human suicide on my behalf--like I'm the patron saint of all the sick sons of bitches. Is that all I stand for, Tommy? Is that all I stand for, to stand in an arena where J.T. Smith lands head first on the concrete floor and hears the fans yell, 'You fucked up, you fucked up'? Well, fuck you. Who the hell do you think you are? We're not a wrestling organization anymore, we're the world's damn biggest puppet show. I'll be damned if I'm going to walk into an arena and let any of you call my match. One, two, three--jump. One, two, three--jump. Well, not me, because I'm nobody's stooge and Tommy Dreamer, if you had a little bit of pride, or a little bit of common sense, you'd understand that those people don't love you--they laugh at you! You took some of the worst beatings the sport's ever seen and they still laughed in your face. And to think that I stood there with my arm around you and endorsed you, saying, 'He's hardcore, he's hardcore, he's hardcore.' And for that, I deserve to die a terrible, painful death, Tommy, because I feel responsible. And I go to bed at night and I'm not sure where I'm going to spend my eternity. And you, Tommy, are my salvation.

Because, by delivering you to a better organization, where you can be appreciated, loved and held with just the littlest amount of respect in the Turner family, then maybe there's a chance for me, too. Please, Tommy, for my sake, think it over, because a 'yes' to Cactus Jack would mean a great deal to me--and a 'no'--well, I'd have to take that as putting a big A-OK stamp of approval on my eternal damnation! I'm counting on you, you selfish little prick. Don't make me hurt you, because I can. Don't make me do it, because if I do, with God as my witness, it won't be in front of those little scumbags at the ECW arena--it'll be just me and you, Tommy and you won't know when it's coming and you won't know where. So unless you want to damn me to the depths of hell, answer my call and say, 'Okay, Cactus, you win. I'll put on the suspenders, I'll groom that moustache and I'll call Uncle Eric and say, 'Count me in.'

Because not only would you be doing yourself a big favour--not only would you be helping your life, you'd be saving mine. You'd be saving...mine."