Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Four Word Proposal

I've always believed that, as obvious as it may seem, the way people write mirrors how they feel. I'm delighted to say I've rediscovered about five years' worth of writing through an old friend this morning. In tribute and celebration to our many disagreements about poetry and love, here's to you:

Four Word Proposal

August 14, 2012

(Prologue: I was, in true heavy metal style, going to "call this one 'Wasted'" and "dedic it to my ex-girlfriend, may she burn in hellbut I realised (1) that my ex-girlfriends are adorable people and have been unreasonably nice to me even though they've had no reason to be and (2) this isn't about my ex-girlfriend(s) anyway - it is entirely fictional.

Second prologue: I wrote this in sharp, inspired two-line bursts. The rhymes came out of nowhere - it has literally taken me twenty minutes to put it all down. Must be something in this mid-August air.) 


Economy of words has always eluded me
Eschewing 'no wasted motion', I'd rather be free
It should come, therefore, as no surprise
That it is my editor's blue pencil that I most despise.

Back and forth into his little lair I'd go
Having my words brutalised in the rain and snow
In whatever little I'd salvage of my all-consuming day
I'd find time for lunch and I'd find time to pray.

Each day, my little prayer would be exactly the same
That somehow He could deliver she who has no name
For I'd exhausted all possible avenues and every resource
In fruitless courtship, leaving only remorse.

Charm her, please her, they would say
Chip away at it every single day
It doesn't matter if progress is slow
You've got time, go with the flow.

And so I pursued but she would not budge
But I stuck to her like sweet chocolate fudge
Tirelessly, relentlessly, till I was obsessed
Stopping only when I was under blue-pencil arrest.

Slowly but surely she began to crack
Starting to like me though I was a hack
As more time passed, it just became vanilla
I know that makes no sense, this line is just filler.

It turns out they were right about persistence and its reward    
But it had taken too long, it was time I couldn't afford
So I decided for certain that this would be my time
Just so I could put an end to this rhyme.

I spoke without fear, without the apprehension of failing
At least when she said no, there'd be no wailing
But as I began my choreographed soliloquy
I started to tremble and so did she.

So I asked her what she was so fearful of hearing
And shushed at the window where my friends were leering
I got her to talk like she'd never talked before
And with every word she said, I realised more and more.

That come what may, I would always be around
Be that friend if she ever fell down
And slowly but surely, as you can probably tell
I sank quickly and without a trace into the friend zone well.

Suddenly women started coming out of the woodwork
'My boyfriend's a sexist, a druggie, such a jerk'
So I became a yes-man to the prettiest women - it was a cruel tale
Turning into an agony aunt a hot-blooded twenty-four-year-old male.

Long nights of 'Uh-huh' and 'I understand'
Dissolving mental images that had once been grand
But somehow I'd think back to that night when it came undone
And what a miserable story I had spun.


The news, when it came, hit me like a two-ton weight
She was leaving for good and I knew it would be too late. 

So finally in the fifth minute of injury time
Armed with a row of shots and loads of lime
I finally put the record straight with Miss Best Friend
And told her in no uncertain terms that this must end.

I waited anxiously for the tears I so richly deserved
But was astonished to see her so taciturn and reserved
What must I do to get a reaction, I thought
Many years of trying are all coming to naught.

So I did what all opportunistic buggers do
I waited for a time to come that we all knew
A couple of hours, maybe more
Till she finally staggered through that door.

I wasn't playing hard to get, I lied
I'd actually been playing conquer and divide
We sat down to talk like the old days, when it all made sense
And I realised there were no more moves, no more defence.

In this soliloquy, though, I felt something strange occur
I felt a real connection when everything else was a blur
And it dawned on me that this is what she had felt all along
And if I let her walk out that door, I'd be doing something very wrong.

So I engaged her, indulged her, told her she was right
And we talked forever and late into the night
But when the moment came to say our goodbyes
I saw friendship and trust but nothing else in her eyes.

And even though years have passed since I dusted that book off my shelf  
On lonely nights when I cannot sleep I still ask myself 
Was she blind, could she not see
That my four word proposal had become three?

Thursday, August 09, 2012

"Hope @realkevinnash doesn't tear his quad tweeting!"

WWE Monday Night Raw; San Diego, CA; 8/15/2011

Okay, you expect me to believe that load of crap? You expect me to believe that you and Triple H are not on the same page? You're best friends! And Triple H keeps saying he does what's good for business, he re-signed me because it's good for business. And you're just gonna do whatever your best friend asks you to do? Don't answer this, it's a rhetorical question - if Triple H asked you to jump off a bridge, would you? Because I think that would be good for business. I've always had a sneaking suspicion that Triple H doesn't know what's good for business and I'd always heard that Kevin Nash doesn't know what's good for business but now I've seen it first hand - you don't know what's good business.

"This is the first time you and I have spoke, and let me tell you something: You need to watch your mouth."
I need to watch my mouth? You need to watch the show! I do and say whatever I want, to whomever I please.

"Obviously your world just changed."
The story that you just told clearly points out that Triple H is a liar. You know, but maybe, just maybe, Triple H is telling the truth. Maybe you're the liar, Kevin Nash.

 "Would you like to see the text message on my telephone?"
Would you like to see the text message my little sister Sheline left on my phone last night? 'OMG Kevin Nash WTF thought he was dead, LOL'. The funny thing is, Sheline isn't normally wrong - but here you are in living colour, just your career is dead. I've got a lot of people I'm pointing fingers at, a lot of people I'm mad at and, surprisingly enough, Alberto Del Rio is not one of them. What he did I've done before - eight men have cashed in, eight men have become champion - but this is Triple H running amok and he's bringing his cronies back.
"All Triple H has done is shook things up around here."
No, no, I'm the guy who shook things up around here.
"You're just some indy-riffic guy you've been here five years; been in two main events? Held the world title three times in twenty days?"
That hurts so much coming from a guy who knows so much about being a main eventer. The guy who said the legendary Eddie Guerrero was a vanilla midget. What do you know about talent? It's 2011, it's not 1994.

"Well you oughta go to 1996 when I changed the business with Scott Hall and made sure that everybody, including guys like you got guaranteed money. Yeah, 'thank you', that's what you should be saying - shut your mouth and say 'thank you'! If that's where this business is going - with some guy who looks like a short order cook from a Pikeville Waffle House as the champion - take a shower, hit the weights, get a clue."
I like Waffle House - I don't know what you have against Waffle House. But last night, you did something you shouldn't have done, that wasn't good for business - you put your hands on me. Now, I may look like a short order cook, I'd rather walk in as CM Punk and leave as CM Punk than walk in as Oz or Vinnie Vegas or Big Daddy Cool Diesel. Enough with the talking, enough with the snarky comments, last night showed me you want to fight - let's fight, right here in San Diego.


Kevin Nash, if getting burnt on the mic by CM Punk the night after Summerslam last year was indeed the reason you disrespected two of the finest champions in history, I have little to say but much to think about. I'd say I'm ashamed of you but that would assume I held you in some esteem to begin with. I read http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8241536/wrestling-star-kevin-nash-making-headway-hollywood-keeps-night yesterday but it has taken me over 24 hours to fully digest the gravity and furore created by Nash's comments. It's one of those days when you question whether there's too much bitterness in the wrestling business for it to prosper again. 

Wednesday, August 08, 2012


There is no Timmy anymore. From now on, he shall be called...

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Another Day, Another Grid Failure

I have to thank the largest power blackout in history for jogging memories of early 1999 (the last time I can remember such power cuts at this time of year) and, more specifically, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppdWrsHJeEE. Some stuff never gets old. Fantastic.

Feeling a lot better, everyone - your concern is much appreciated.

I'm not sure if there's a point to this story but I'm going to tell it again.

My photo
I've been wilfully caught up in the self-defeating quest to get to know myself for years. I've never expected anything beneficial to result from such a quest. I tend to evoke extremely polarised reactions from people I get to know in passing. Consequently, only those people who know me inside-out would honestly claim that I'm a person who's just "alright." It's not a coincidence that the description I've laid out above has no fewer than, title included, eleven references to me (make that twelve). I'm affectionately referred to as "Ego." I think that last statement might have given away a tad too much. Welcome Aboard.

IHTRTRS ke pichle episode mein aapne dekha...


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